The Choice

Something quite new that I never felt & experienced before.
But I wonder is that great for me?

Some questions had been appearing on my mind as:
" Is that all my fault? "
" Is all the misunderstanding caused by my past transgressions? "

And the truth tells me, "YES, it is."

I was a person who didn't peer with GOD consistently,
a person who didn't care people's feelings while I spoke,
a person who were indeed self-abased.
a person who had grabbed for own attention.
a person who liked to scramble achievements / fame.
etc.....
Because I was really ego.

For now I thank GOD, He has been leading me towards a path of eternal life.
Let me see my inner & my sins more clearly in day by day.

Thus, I decided to work for Him, even shine for Him as well
no matter how difficult / rough the issues I will confront in the future.

I'm trying to make a change in any aspects with GOD's words and
keep moving forward for GOD's word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
I'm grateful for everything He has done for me, making my life brighter and fruitful.
I have made a breakthrough !

However, this is the beginning of a nightmare.
Perhaps people's heart were already carved about what I had done,
perhaps they had tolerated me, advised, tried to persuade me for countless times.
So they could not see the renew of mine for temporary? I don't know, it's a hesitation.

Once I wanna do something for Lord, they doubt my motive.
Once I wish to peer with my treasured sheep, they distort my purpose.

How can it be? How come they don't understand me?
Gimme some oxygen? I'm obviously lacking of it and it makes me gonna asphyxiate.
I know everything needs time to make clear, but I perceived my existence is never reduce
you guys' prejudice unto me. All of you doubt my personality even.
It really makes me feel gonna burst because there is full of self-blame in the bottom of my heart.
What I wanna express is you'll feel helpless and disappointed when people who surround you
totally misunderstand what you're actually doing.

In a glance of an eye, my Bible appeared in front of my eyes,
I automatically picked it up and spoke to Him before browsing :
"My Father in heaven, how precious to me are your thoughts,
how vast is the sum of them."

the LORD declares:
 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,
  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
  and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I shall obey your thoughts and not to obey mine.

LORD, how should I make a choice among these both questions,
Shall I withdraw?  To stay or to leave? *mind struggling*
If I stay, I could still be with my sheeps and lead them to be a disciple of yours.
If I leave, I could step forward to another realm to serve you as well.
Yet I guarantee I'll undoubtedly obey your guidance & never abandon you,
because I'm joyful to be with you. :-)