A few years later from the last post, the owner of this blog has returned with a heartbroken self as being torn and fallen on the cold hard ground.
Since 2011, I was having a great moment that I had found my best soulmate ever since. Happily ever after did exist, we were closely tied to each other by sharing every single thing that happened in our lives. We did a lot of girl stuffs together such as working on beauty, buying clothes and sharing our ups and downs all days long.
As time passed, a whim of negativity occurred within my heart like the waves of seas excessively roaring and pulling me down. And now, I've come to realize that I'm completely drown into the deep blue sea. And that goddamn negativity is inferiority and insecurity which have been dwelt in me since young.
Inferiority and insecurity locked me inside a very dark room and led me to putting on the trigger of a gun and shooting at my close ones constantly. When they got injured, they stood up, and kept coming forward to unlock a handcuff on me, tear a rope on my legs apart and break the door in order to rescue me from this darkest place. *chains are broken* I was finally set free physically, but I found out that I had been surviving in an unstable and negative situation for so long, the dark room had built in a magnetic addition in my deepest self. Therefore, I had been going into the room back and forth no matter how many times and hard they tried rescuing me. Nevertheless, I once had decided to give up on myself but they were standing outside the room, accompanying me to hear my screams.
On the contrary, I'd never appreciated whatever they had done and thought that I needed the dark room as my comfort zone, and hence jealousy, hatred and sadness have come across my soul, it was all shown to attack them because I couldn't take it when I saw how good they were, their strengths have somehow become a reflection of my weaknesses.
Today, I've understood the fact of everything they've done would be in vain if I myself were never willing to be courageous to stand up, walk up from the door and not to turn my face around. But I can't figure out any solutions that really work on me. Hmm. I guess I really need to stay alone for some time and get myself immersed into a solitary period.
And, I have pushed them away from where they were. I can't take a sight on them as I'm really disgusted by myself. This is the saddest and most difficult decision I've ever made. But I have no guts to face them, I have no other ways to listen to my own voices and positive mindset without a quiet moment.
SOS: need someone/something to pick up all the broken pieces of me, fix it, and revive its beauty.
Monday 31 August 2015
Sunday 22 July 2012
Jesus is my true Vine!
Dear
Jesus,
You are
exalted on high, I praise your holy name for You're the King of Kings. I
really thank you with enormous gratitude for your unfailing love and salvation
on all the mankind that whoever believes in you. Although you possessed the
very nature image of God, but didn't consider equality with God. Whereas, you
took the very nature image of a servant, being made like human likeness in
order to demonstrate us that you search our heart. At
least, I truly understand and feel that I'm valuable for you, so I shall not
perish.
I have
really been entangled by civilian affairs. I just can't cope with its issues by
my own strength and wisdom. Every
aspect of my life seems running toward demise. Precious
relationships gradually shut down day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute
and second by second without interaction like never lasting. History repeats itself since a decade ago. I really get tired of resolving its crisis that cause
negative consequences.
Consensus is never achieved when different opinions arise between my parent and me, therefore it sometimes triggers to arguments.
Corruption from the government is an unending task.
Merdeka (independence) wish is for civility to infuse, enlighten and
become the political culture of Malaysia. Going by what the nation saw and
heard in the recent by-election, shame and disgust filled me and thoughts of merdeka could not have been further from
my heart and mind.
As days
passed, I figured out that I somehow prioritized other matters instead of
you.
Christ Jesus, I'm sorry for I previously was being an amateur who engaged in studying for pleasure,
so I should put in extra effort to study in order to become a contributor of society and civilize our politics if we are possible to do that in future, instead of doing nothing and backstabbing the disadvantages of my country. Although I don't compromise what they are doing but love them, not to complain it anymore and pray for it, because we will not know to be grateful when we keep complaining. Thank God that I'm born in Malaysia, Malaysia is a multicultural country which consists of Chinese, Malays, Indians and the rest of races living together, therefore majority of nations are bilingual. Except the governing system and politics' issues, everything is still very intriguing in this country.
Apart from these, the greatest obstacle kept interrupting me
to step into a better obedience toward you. I was unconsciously seeking a selfish love for my own desire
so it's time to gaze upon you again for problems are diminished when God
becomes my priority. You always embrace me by your nailed and merciful
hands.
John
15
1 “I
am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.
2He cuts
off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does
bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
3 You are
already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.
4 Remain in
me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must
remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the
vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear
much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
6 If you do
not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such
branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.
7 If you
remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it
will be done for you.
8 This is
to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be
my disciples.
A lifetime of been pruning in order to
grow better as the branches bearing much fruit without thorns entangle its
growth.
Seriously, I felt it had been slashing by a double edged sword, but I
eventually know that is a sign revealing that something you need to cut off
from me. I shouldn't have
held it tightly, I was so stubborn but I didn't realize before and I should have known that you want me to testify you are my God in my family.
Oh Lord, thanks for
taking my rebelliousness away so I obey you getting rid of the thing I clung
to.
I found relief
abiding in You and hence I hereby
declare that:"You are my refuge when I am weary and burdened."
You're the light
as the Holy Spirit illuminates people's soul, heart and mind to see your
righteousness.
AMEN!
You are
exalted on high, I praise your holy name for You're the King of Kings. I
really thank you with enormous gratitude for your unfailing love and salvation
on all the mankind that whoever believes in you. Although you possessed the
very nature image of God, but didn't consider equality with God. Whereas, you
took the very nature image of a servant, being made like human likeness in
order to demonstrate us that you search our heart. At
least, I truly understand and feel that I'm valuable for you, so I shall not
perish.
I have
really been entangled by civilian affairs. I just can't cope with its issues by
my own strength and wisdom. Every
aspect of my life seems running toward demise. Precious
relationships gradually shut down day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute
and second by second without interaction like never lasting. History repeats itself since a decade ago. I really get tired of resolving its crisis that cause
negative consequences.
Consensus is never achieved when different opinions arise between my parent and me, therefore it sometimes triggers to arguments.
Consensus is never achieved when different opinions arise between my parent and me, therefore it sometimes triggers to arguments.
Corruption from the government is an unending task.
Merdeka (independence) wish is for civility to infuse, enlighten and
become the political culture of Malaysia. Going by what the nation saw and
heard in the recent by-election, shame and disgust filled me and thoughts of merdeka could not have been further from
my heart and mind.
1M'sia programme is to strive for national unity and ethnic
harmony among all the races, but there is no equality as they preserve the special privileges for Malays and bumiputras in accordance with article 153
of federal constituition.
As days
passed, I figured out that I somehow prioritized other matters instead of
you.
I
believe it's a lesson from you to learn how to love my enemies more, to
recognize that you came to the world is to be suffered for the Kingdom of God
and to accept all the people around me without conditions.
Christ Jesus, I'm sorry for I previously was being an amateur who engaged in studying for pleasure,
so I should put in extra effort to study in order to become a contributor of society and civilize our politics if we are possible to do that in future, instead of doing nothing and backstabbing the disadvantages of my country. Although I don't compromise what they are doing but love them, not to complain it anymore and pray for it, because we will not know to be grateful when we keep complaining. Thank God that I'm born in Malaysia, Malaysia is a multicultural country which consists of Chinese, Malays, Indians and the rest of races living together, therefore majority of nations are bilingual. Except the governing system and politics' issues, everything is still very intriguing in this country.
Christ Jesus, I'm sorry for I previously was being an amateur who engaged in studying for pleasure,
so I should put in extra effort to study in order to become a contributor of society and civilize our politics if we are possible to do that in future, instead of doing nothing and backstabbing the disadvantages of my country. Although I don't compromise what they are doing but love them, not to complain it anymore and pray for it, because we will not know to be grateful when we keep complaining. Thank God that I'm born in Malaysia, Malaysia is a multicultural country which consists of Chinese, Malays, Indians and the rest of races living together, therefore majority of nations are bilingual. Except the governing system and politics' issues, everything is still very intriguing in this country.
Apart from these, the greatest obstacle kept interrupting me
to step into a better obedience toward you. I was unconsciously seeking a selfish love for my own desire
so it's time to gaze upon you again for problems are diminished when God
becomes my priority. You always embrace me by your nailed and merciful
hands.
John 15
1 “I
am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.
2He cuts
off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does
bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
3 You are
already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.
4 Remain in
me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must
remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the
vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear
much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
6 If you do
not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such
branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.
7 If you
remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it
will be done for you.
8 This is
to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be
my disciples.
Sunday 12 February 2012
Marvellous
What do you see?
Yes!
It is a love-shaped moon photographed by my friend and without editing.
God made two great lights - the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.
[Genesis 1:16]
Glory unto the exalted LORD! The moonlight is bright and shinning at me,
laying in my bed.
It is incredibly fabulous!
How I wonder His magnificent creations.
He is great and most worthy of praise! :D
I'd like to speak of the splendour of the King.
Sunday 22 January 2012
Insomnia
In the middle of nights around
And I'm still ..............
unable to sleep.
Typically, I was a person who could sleep easily but since a few weeks ago,
Insomnia, you annoy me.
Insomnia, I'm awakened by nightmares.
Insomnia, you make my tears shed in the middle of nights.
Insomnia, I grumble in the morning due to inadequate slumber.
As a human being, I have emotions.
Why did it happen till that bad as I never predicted?
How come there are so many issues torment me?
I totally lost faith in mankind.
Who else could I rely on?
Oh Lord Jesus, my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.
I'm really collapsed.
I tried to be optimistic and positive, but things became worse and complicated.
Dilemma from various aspects, I just realised there is nobody able to help me up.
But, you understand and you mean everything for me.
I couldn't survive without you.
I'm grateful that you embrace me into your arms. Thank you for your promises and words. :)
Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies. [Psalms 36:5]
Sunday 25 December 2011
Holy Night
On 21st July 1969, astronauts went up the moon. President Nixon of USA proudly proclaimed: "In the history of mankind, this is the greatest achievement." The next day, his good friend named Dr. Billy Graham told him, "Mr. President, the greatest achievement in the history of mankind is not going to the moon, but it is the birth of God's Son, Jesus Christ on this earth 2,000 years ago."
The birth of Jesus is the new beginning of the history of mankind in the modern Century.
Alright, then let's ride a time aircraft, get back to 1st century (2 millennium ago). ;D
Perhaps you've heard it for uncountable times, I'll just fast forward okay? (shushes everybody up) :P
In Bethlehem in Judea, A babe was born in a manger named Jesus Christ, it is indeed a good tidings for us.
But do we really understand how many hardships He had been gone through?
After Jesus was born, King Herod heard this and he felt disturbed, therefore He decided to murder this child without hesitations, and it was exactly fulfilled what the LORD had said through the prophet: "Out of Egypt, I called my son."
Hello! Jesus was just an infant at the moment, What do you think if A king were afraid of an infant?
It sounds like so ridiculous but King Herod was really anxious due to Jesus' existence, it was a menace for King Herod. But literally, this is just the beginning of hardships.
3 decades later, Jesus was baptised & began to preach for 3 years. He had been persecuted by the Jews, betrayed by His beloved disciple- Juda, arrested by the Roman Emperor, whipped by the ruthless soldiers, insulted by the people. The Denials of Peter, The Crucifixion etc...
We couldn't imagine how Jesus struggled throughout his death (Matthew 26:36-46).
He said, "It is finished." crucifying on the cross. Subsequently, he bowed his head down and gave up his spirit.
and yet He liberated the yoke of slaves for setting our soul free.
May His sacrifice touch our heart every moment & Holy Spirit anoint us to live like Jesus Christ.
The holy God was humbly born in the world which is full of sins.
The holy God became an infant that we could embrace in our hands.
The holy God lived with ungodly mankind.
The Crucifixion, The Resurrection, The Salvation, The Forgiveness, The Unfailing Love unto mankind.
I just hope to love Him with all my heart, my soul & my mind & imitate His image eternally to become a fruitful disciple which bears very much fruit. (The fruit of the Spirit & the Light)
The birth of JESUS became Holy Night. :')
Thanks to The Son of God for you're magnificent!
Lord Jesus, you're the radiance of God's glory.
The birth of Jesus is the new beginning of the history of mankind in the modern Century.
Alright, then let's ride a time aircraft, get back to 1st century (2 millennium ago). ;D
Perhaps you've heard it for uncountable times, I'll just fast forward okay? (shushes everybody up) :P
But do we really understand how many hardships He had been gone through?
After Jesus was born, King Herod heard this and he felt disturbed, therefore He decided to murder this child without hesitations, and it was exactly fulfilled what the LORD had said through the prophet: "Out of Egypt, I called my son."
Hello! Jesus was just an infant at the moment, What do you think if A king were afraid of an infant?
It sounds like so ridiculous but King Herod was really anxious due to Jesus' existence, it was a menace for King Herod. But literally, this is just the beginning of hardships.
3 decades later, Jesus was baptised & began to preach for 3 years. He had been persecuted by the Jews, betrayed by His beloved disciple- Juda, arrested by the Roman Emperor, whipped by the ruthless soldiers, insulted by the people. The Denials of Peter, The Crucifixion etc...
We couldn't imagine how Jesus struggled throughout his death (Matthew 26:36-46).
He said, "It is finished." crucifying on the cross. Subsequently, he bowed his head down and gave up his spirit.
JESUS = He saves / the LORD saves
CHRIST = Anointed, the Greek translation of the Hebrew word translated “Messiah”
( John 1:41 , Psalms 2:2 )
Prince of Peace has revived!!! Christ is the LORD!!!
He has accomplished the ultimate goal in His entire life.
His birth brought a hope unto mankind.
His resurrection brought everlasting life for whoever believes in Him so we'll not perish.
He was born in a manger which towards the salvation of cross, CHRIST = Anointed, the Greek translation of the Hebrew word translated “Messiah”
( John 1:41 , Psalms 2:2 )
Prince of Peace has revived!!! Christ is the LORD!!!
He has accomplished the ultimate goal in His entire life.
His birth brought a hope unto mankind.
His resurrection brought everlasting life for whoever believes in Him so we'll not perish.
and yet He liberated the yoke of slaves for setting our soul free.
May His sacrifice touch our heart every moment & Holy Spirit anoint us to live like Jesus Christ.
The holy God was humbly born in the world which is full of sins.
The holy God became an infant that we could embrace in our hands.
The holy God lived with ungodly mankind.
The Crucifixion, The Resurrection, The Salvation, The Forgiveness, The Unfailing Love unto mankind.
I just hope to love Him with all my heart, my soul & my mind & imitate His image eternally to become a fruitful disciple which bears very much fruit. (The fruit of the Spirit & the Light)
The birth of JESUS became Holy Night. :')
Thanks to The Son of God for you're magnificent!
Lord Jesus, you're the radiance of God's glory.
Friday 2 December 2011
Worship unto Yahweh
Dear Father in Heaven,
I raise my hands up to praise Your name for You're holy!
You reign in life for eternity.
Let the Universe, Planets, Sun, Stars & Mankind say:" Yahweh, you're exalted!"
You're unfailing GOD, Your love's unending & Your word is eternal,
therefore it stands firm in the Heaven.
Oh LORD, I now cast all my burdens upon you for You care for me,
I'm willing to bow down before Your throne.
Thank You for Your salvation unto mankind & even me,
setting my soul free from the yoke of servants.
Now I commit,
I wanna love and serve You with all my heart, my life & my soul for you've first loved me.
I trust in You no matter how afflictions attack or frustrate me for You never abandon us,
as You promised:" So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
May Your Holy Spirit anoint me, I'd humbly walk with You so I'll serve You without anxieties as
a soldier doesn't get entangled in civilian affairs. Just gazing upon JESUS & Your holy name!
Pray in JESUS's name, AMEN!
Perhaps the days seem bad currently, but God has his own plan for everything happens in our life. This is how peaceful when we realise the blessing from GOD comes to us after afflictions, and how joyful once we know we are all in His amazing plan. His plans are because His plans are very unexpected, unpredictable, awesome, amazing etc...
Well, He's indeed indescribable., but I do believe one thing. It's all for His Glory!
Let's never cease worshipping our exalted GOD in the spirit and in truth!
Worship does exceed all the praises and prayers; Worship is to enjoy the presence of God, love Him
Worship does exceed all the praises and prayers; Worship is to enjoy the presence of God, love Him
& offer our whole body for Him as a living sacrifice.
YAHWEH, Holy is Your name. Hallelujah!
Thursday 17 November 2011
How Great Is Our GOD?! :D
跟某人谈话以后，我决定在这篇文章写华语。（自己懂是谁啦）:P
在这篇文章前，我希望大家耐心地使用你生命里的仅有20分钟去看。谢谢！:)
想问大家，我们人类聪明吗？
世界人口多少？地球又有多大？那么宇宙又有多浩瀚呢？
现在就给大家看一看。
看起来比我们的地球（Earth)。但是比起
地球仅不过是微不足道。
跟太阳比较，地球就只是一粒沙；
跟Arcturus这颗星星而言，很抱歉地说：“地球就只是一粒细菌”。
那么就不需要跟 Antares （双星，在天蝎座中最亮的）比较了。
上帝的创造美妙吗？Great ? （请大家在继续往下读前，听一听这首诗歌）留心聆听，开口赞美神。
是的，我们的上帝真的非常伟大，
他让我们可用口去敬拜，赞美这位尊贵尊荣的神！
可是不但只是人类要赞美他，如经上记载：诗篇 148篇
Speaker: An acclaimed Pastor = Pastor Louie Giglio
上帝创造的宇宙是超乎我们人所有限的想象能力，无法测量他的测度。
因神的荣美无法描述，我们口舌难以形容，但是要记住这个最重要的事：
圣父、圣子、圣灵：他爱你！:-D
Verses :
神造萬物，各按其時成為美好，又將永生（原文是永遠）安置在世人心裡。然而 神從始至終的作為，人不能參透。（传道书 3：11）
在这篇文章前，我希望大家耐心地使用你生命里的仅有20分钟去看。谢谢！:)
想问大家，我们人类聪明吗？
世界人口多少？地球又有多大？那么宇宙又有多浩瀚呢？
现在就给大家看一看。
Pluto - 冥王星
Mercury - 水星
Mars - 火星
Venus - 金星
Jupiter - 木星
Saturn - 土星
Uranus - 天王星
Neptun - 海王星
跟太阳比较，地球就只是一粒沙；
跟Arcturus这颗星星而言，很抱歉地说：“地球就只是一粒细菌”。
那么就不需要跟 Antares （双星，在天蝎座中最亮的）比较了。
上帝的创造美妙吗？Great ? （请大家在继续往下读前，听一听这首诗歌）留心聆听，开口赞美神。
是的，我们的上帝真的非常伟大，
他让我们可用口去敬拜，赞美这位尊贵尊荣的神！
可是不但只是人类要赞美他，如经上记载：诗篇 148篇
148:1 你們要讚美耶和華！從天上讚美耶和華，在高處讚美他！
148:2 他的眾使者都要讚美他！他的諸軍都要讚美他！
148:3 日頭月亮，你們要讚美他！放光的星宿，你們都要讚美他！
148:4 天上的天和天上的水，你們都要讚美他！
148:5 願這些都讚美耶和華的名！因他一吩咐便都造成。
咦？这不是都在说宇宙所有的星宿吗？它们到底如何赞美神呢？
（请看以下的短片）
Speaker: An acclaimed Pastor = Pastor Louie Giglio
科学家发明这些频接收机听到不明飞行物和外星人，但是他们所得到的答案非心中所想的一样。Pastor Louie 透过科学家的研究后，发现这些遥远的星星都在不断地发出声音，因此去研究这些奥秘。Ipad的功能，可以把许多的歌都容纳进出一个相同的软件。结果，研究是令人出乎预料！
弟兄姐妹，知道我们一直以来的开口赞美的那位神是怎样的神吗？
知不知道我们一直都在跟宇宙的万物，星宿敬拜着那位至高至圣的耶和华？
当天国的门打开以后，我们都会跟它们一同敬拜、赞美和歌颂主耶和华啊！弟兄姐妹，知道我们一直以来的开口赞美的那位神是怎样的神吗？
知不知道我们一直都在跟宇宙的万物，星宿敬拜着那位至高至圣的耶和华？
上帝创造的宇宙是超乎我们人所有限的想象能力，无法测量他的测度。
因神的荣美无法描述，我们口舌难以形容，但是要记住这个最重要的事：
圣父、圣子、圣灵：他爱你！:-D
Verses :
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
神造萬物，各按其時成為美好，又將永生（原文是永遠）安置在世人心裡。然而 神從始至終的作為，人不能參透。（传道书 3：11）
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